Our Ally Israel

(Chaz Anon) Ah, the sheer, unbridled joy of having Israel as our most cherished ally, a relationship that blossoms with an abundance of perks for us. Let's luxuriate in the myriad benefits this alliance bestows upon us, shall we?

First off, there's the exhilarating opportunity to pour our hard-earned dollars into their war chest. Nothing screams 'partnership' quite like bankrolling military escapades.

Then, there's the delightful prospect of unconstitutional hate speech laws that are poised to criminalize any whisper of dissent against the very war our wallets are wedded to. Free speech, it seems, has its limits, especially when it dares to question our investment in conflict.

Oh, and let's not forget the heartwarming initiative to fund a "humanitarian pier" in Gaza, a project that comes with the added bonus of our military's oversight. It's our own little way of saying, "Sorry for the mess, here's a pier," to the Palestinians in need of aid due to the very turmoil we're underwriting.

But the generosity doesn't end there. We also open our arms and borders to the refugees displaced by the chaos we've helped finance. It's a bit like setting fire to someone's home and then graciously offering them a tent in your backyard.

And the icing on this cake of altruism? We get to support Jewish NGOs in their noble effort to resettle these refugees, whom they've previously depicted as an assembly of menacing terrorists. It's a beautiful full-circle moment of fear-mongering followed by philanthropy.

Meanwhile, as we bask in the glow of these benevolent acts, Israel busies itself with drafting blueprints for Gaza's future—a veritable wonderland of amusement parks, beachfront condos, hotels, and shopping malls. It's the circle of life, with a twist of real estate development.

Truly, we are the fortunate ones in this relationship, blessed with endless opportunities to give, forgive, and underwrite the dreams of our greatest ally. What a time to be alive.